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Kingdom Heats by bloodassoftassilk

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Submitted on
May 26, 2010
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34 (who?)
This is so much different than what I am used to writing. Normally I write in someone's POV but I didn't for this one. Also, normally it's for a giant fandom. Not for this one. This was requested by KellyJane, TealPirate, and the rest of Parle Productions. A Vancha/Conor fic. Only the beginning for Parle fanfiction.

I am really sorry if the people seem really OOC but I am not a stalker and don't know every detail about your lives. So apologies if some things are not correct. As you can see I'm kinda out of my comfort zone.

Warning: CRACKINESS, YAOI, and CROSSDRESSING are in this fic. You have been warned.

Me: I don't own nor am I a part of Parle Productions. All credit goes to Kelly and Jenn. Enjoy!

Strange Dreams

Vancha sighed and walked in the door. He dropped his stuff in the corner and sat on his bed. He rubbed his eyes tiredly and groaned. What a stressful day it's been.

The Parle member laid down and glanced at the clock. It read 10:17 pm, "Well, I guess a bit of shut eye won't hurt."

He put something on his twitter and proceeded to fall asleep.


The voice jerked Vancha awake. He looked at his new surroundings. He was sitting at a desk just outside of another room. He got up and noticed he was in a dress and high heels.

"What the hell…?" he muttered to himself.

It was then that he felt an extra weight on his chest. Vancha facepalmed. He had boobs.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me."

"LINDA!"  The voice rang out again.

Vancha shrugged and assumed voice was probably referring to him. He sighed and went into the office to find…

"Jenn?" Vancha asked in disbelief.

Jenn rolled her eyes, "There you are, Linda. Were you sleeping again?"

"Well I-"

"Never mind." Jenn interrupted, "Just go bring me Miss Poole's resume."

Vancha sighed and left the room to look for the paper.

Jenn turned back to the person sitting across from her, "So Charlotte, where were we?"

Charlotte smiled, "Well I think that I'd be a great addition to Parle Productions. I have the experience, the references, and I can tell by the look in your eyes that I'll be a worthwhile addition to your team!"

Vancha returned with the resume. When he was about to give it to Jenn, Charlotte shot up and snatched it out of his hand. Vancha shot her a look and went back to his desk in the other room.

Charlotte continued on, "So I'll start at 25 pounds a week and we'll work our way from there."

"Wait, I don't think-" Jenn tried to say.

"This is a great opportunity for me. We'll make it 35 but I won't go any higher!" She interrupted.

"Hold on a second." Jenn tried again.

"Sounds reasonable to me! I'm hired!" she beamed.

Jenn slammed her hands on the table, "Wait a minute, you can't do that!"

"I can't do what?" Charlotte half yelled.

"Say you're hired."

"Say what?"

"You're hired."

"I am? Fantastic!" Charlotte said victoriously.

Meanwhile, Vancha was still trying to figure out what the hell was going on. He was in the women's bathroom staring at himself in the mirror. Blonde hair, heavy makeup, and a flowery dress. He really needed to stop drinking.

He walked back in and sat down at his desk. He noticed Jenn was gone and Charlotte had taken her place. Getting bored already, Vancha began playing with his hair.

Suddenly, he saw Conor walk in the door. Vancha didn't know why but…he felt attracted to him. Almost an infatuation. Maybe it was because he was wearing a tux. Conor smiled and set his resume on the desk.

He began to make his way to the office. Vancha followed Conor with his eyes. He began to lean against his arm which was on the desk but instead fell out of his chair, smashing the wastebasket beneath him. Conor stared at him strangely as Vancha was practically crawling on the floor to him.

Charlotte didn't look up when Conor came in, "Please have a seat."

"Thank you." Conor replied.

Charlotte nodded and noticed Vancha's strange attraction to Conor. She smiled and took that to her advantage. She looked up at him as he was sitting down. Vancha made it to the desk and got up. In two seconds, Conor was pulled halfway across the desk kissing Charlotte. Vancha put his hands on his hips staring at both of them in anger.

Charlotte pulled back and stared awkwardly. She got up and walked away. Vancha grumbled and went back to his desk again. Conor attempted to process everything that just happened but failed. So he shrugged and sat in the interviewer's chair.

Vancha noticed Kelly walk in the door and drop her resume on the desk. He decided not to care anymore because he gave up understanding any of this bullshit a long time ago. He picked up her resume and started playing with it.

Kelly walked into the office and was greeted by Conor. She sat down across from him.

"So why do you want to join Parle Productions?" he asked semi knowing what he was doing.

Kelly smirked, "Ah, is that the question? Or is it why are you here in the first place?"
Conor looked at her in bewilderment, "I don't quite follow you."

"Am I the only thing you don't quite follow? Or is there more to this than that?" she retorted.

Conor shook his head to clear his confusion, "Linda, can you bring in the applicant's resume?"

Vancha sighed and threw the paper airplane resume into the office and hit Conor in the back of the head. Conor grabbed the paper and set in down on the desk. Kelly got up and dangled a watch in front of Conor's face.

"When I snap my fingers, you will turn to the woman beside you and say 'You are hired' to the woman." She said swinging the watch back and forth.

Conor rolled your eyes, "That's it. I'm calling the police."

Kelly snapped her fingers and Conor's head fell flat on the desk. He rose slowly and turned to her.

"You are…a retard." He said laughing in the end.

Kelly snapped again, but to no avail.

Conor put his feet up onto the desk, "Enough lady, get out of my office."

"Fuck it. Plan B." She cleared her throat and spoke in a voice similar to Conor's, "Linda I want you."

Vancha almost immediately got up and ran into the office. Unable to control himself any longer, he jumped onto Conor and pulled them both to the floor, fiercely making out with him.

Kelly grinned evilly at the romantic chaos she created, "From this day forward, Parle Productions will be known as Pale Pornductions."

All of the sudden, Vancha's eyes snapped open and bolted up in his bed. He ran into the bathroom and was relieved to see he was back to his old self.

"Shit," he breathed, "I really need to stop drinking."

He heard his phone ring and fished it out of his pocket. He noticed that it was from Conor.

Vancha took a deep breath and answered it, "Hey Conor, what's up?"

"Hey Vancha. Kelly just called and said that the group is meeting at Nando's in half an hour for breakfast."

"Breakfast?" Vancha repeated. He looked at the clock and saw it said 8:30 am.

"Yeah." Conor confirmed, "You okay? You sound tired."

Vancha rubbed the sleep from his eyes, "Oh um I had a bit of a rough night. I'm fine."

"Well some Nando's will make you feel better."

He laughed, "Okay Conor. Well I'll see you then."

"Bye." Conor said before hanging up.

Vancha put his phone back in his pocket after he hung up. He slipped his coat and shoes on, grabbed his keys and wallet, and headed out the door.
Okay well I hope that wasn't too terrible! It probably won't be better than the other Vancha/Conor stories you've gotten. But I'm pretty sure this would be the crackiest. Sorry if it seemed confusing. You can read the Artist Comments if it you didn't understand.
Hope you all like it!!
I hope everyone likes this.

Requested by *KellyJane *tealpirate and the rest of Parle Productions.

Characters are:

Vancha/Linda- =VanchaAyris
Conor- *FrostPup
Jenn- *tealpirate
Charlotte- *sora1992
Kelly- *KellyJane

For people who don't get it:
Vancha has a dream that he is the secretary, Linda, for the corporation Parle Productions. Jenn is interviewing Charlotte and Charlotte is a bit demanding. She talks her way into being hired. Charlotte then is the interviewer and "interviews" Conor. After Charlotte's attempt to make Vancha/Linda jealous, Conor is the interviewer and is interviewing Kelly. Kelly tries to hypnotize him into hiring her. In the end, it fails and she goes to plan B. She uses Vancha/Linda's infatuation with Conor to her advantage. Enough said. I'm sorry if you don't get it completely. I tried.
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Katai-Anata Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011  Student Writer
I am so goddamn happy right now.
Do you realise how happy this makes me? 8D
I'm happy 'cuz I've found a Vancha/Conor shipper who wrote a FANFIC 8D
*praises you*
XIn-My-Darkest-HourX Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011  Student General Artist
Hahaha thanks! The only real reason I wrote it was because it was requested by Kelly and Jenn during a live online Q&A session.
Katai-Anata Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2011  Student Writer
Well thank god they requested that xD
cleopatra24 Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010
Very interesting
The-Random-Child-13 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2010
hahaha i cant stop laughing, and VANCHAS A GIRL!!!! :rofl:
XIn-My-Darkest-HourX Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2010  Student General Artist
thanks! :)
madbara Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2010
XD Good job. I really loved it!
sereneangel Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2010  Student General Artist
wow i'm lost for words here, but it was amusing.
XIn-My-Darkest-HourX Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2010  Student General Artist
thanks! :D
kh9844 Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist mine sucks...^^
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